There are just some times when I wonder if I’m a likable person.
I think I talk too much and overwhelm conversation. And one of the ways to get people to love you, according to ‘How To Talk To Anyone’ by Leil Lowndes is to be a good listener, or at least appear to be one.
I’m the chatty one, I envelop people into my life. Probably not the wisest decision. And yet, people don’t seem to say anything if I don’t.
Maybe I should consult that book again.
My dad says I have a pouty, rather unfriendly face. I have no argument to that, I can’t exactly judge my own face, though I do put in the extra effort for a smile for someone new. If thats not friendly, I don’t know what is.
I don’t think I’m unattractive- I’m quite decent I think- and once my braces are off, I should be quite decent. Better than decent, hopefully. I like to think I dress relatively alright. Nothing flashy, just my own conservative, feminine but not too girlish style. Its not like I wear burlap sacks or anything. So I think I have external appearance covered.
Don’t really know what’s up with me today, chatting incessantly about what people think of me… I’m usually not that concerned- not obviously concerned anyway.
But forget about the angst.
Today, my Dad hooked up a couple of new channels (or maybe I just never realized they existed) and we found itv, a British channel with UK shows like Miss Marple.
Heehehe, Miss Marple. I always liked the way you pronounce that. Miss MAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRPLEEE.
I like popping the Ps. ‘Tis fun.
And I ended up speaking like a British upper-class lady the whole night. It was quite frightful, to tell the truth. (There I go, again!) So I went about, blathering strange phrases such as,
‘Be a dear and pray do not stain your petticoats?’
‘Oh, those gloves are simply darling.’
‘What a lovely imprint you’ve made on the ottoman!’
‘These coconut-cream-filled-crumpets are delightfully brilliant.’ (Okay, this was a bit mu(n)ch)
I have to stop reading Victorian novels.
They ain’t good for my vocabulary. I should just become an ol’ hick and use load’sa contractions, aye?
Half the time I wasn’t even watching the show since I was playing Avengers Alliance on Facebook, I just picked up bits of words like ‘lovely’ ‘a spot of tea?’, ‘lumps of sugaaaar’, ‘bother’ and ‘becoming’. I fear that if I used these in daily speech, I would get weird looks- weirder than the ones I get at present.
But ANYWAY. I barely gathered anything from the episode (which was really long, or was it just me?) except it was full of intrigue, deaths, poison, and bitchy, unattractive (at least, facially), middle-aged women. I’m sure it was a mystery well-deduced though. UK dramas are always first class, I remember watching (and loving) Poirot. Though I remember very little.
That seems to be the case quite often nowadays.
I’m feeling really inspired right now, so deal with me.
I’ll admit, I just finished watching the new DCOM Radio Rebel, starring Debby Ryan. I don’t normally watch Disney Channel movies because
1. The plots usually are really silly
2. I don’t feel like its anything really interesting or not done before
3. And the acting is really forced sometimes
But Radio Rebel was honestly REALLY REALLY good. Its on in parts on youtube, check it out if you haven’t already. Debby Ryan was fantastic as Tara, the main character- I actually believed her transformation into her alter ego DJ/counsellor, Radio Rebel. It just showed in her whole body language- even down to the spark in her eye.
I won’t bore you with a synopsis. You can always wiki it. I wanna talk about the themes here.
The whole ‘being who you truly are’ thing really rang true when I was watching it tonight. Maybe it was the relatively high stakes posed for the main character (usually DCOMs don’t have much at stake, somehow?) but it just made me wonder, what were the limits to ‘being yourself’? And to borrow a line from the movie, ‘Do you feel like you’re seventeen people?’
We’re all people. We all have our layers, sides, facets, whatever. But why should it make us different in the way we acted towards certain people? I know I act different in front of my family, close friends, and other acquaintances, and I don’t see how that is wrong in any way.
But do I feel stifled. I feel suppressed. I feel like I don’t have a voice to tell everyone how I feel. And yes, that bugs me, because innately, I am a really frank, honest person who has to make a statement when I feel someone needs to tell the truth.
But do I always do it?
There’s the fear of rejection of course, that someone won’t agree with you (God knows HOW OFTEN that happens), that people will shun you because of your viewpoint… But should I let that affect how I want to express myself?
Some people will always be mean, and there will always be someone who doesn’t like you. You can never please everyone. No one will always agree with you, even if they don’t voice their disagreement (all the time with me).
But perhaps, its most important to be true to your morals and stand up for what is right- what you believe is right. Basically, we all have the same definition of right, right? I mean, we don’t agree that being bitchy is right, and that calling each other whores and sluts is right yeah?
A line of humanity has to be drawn somewhere.
This has nothing to do with them.
This has to do with me, and how I choose to respond and act. Because I have to do what I believe is right.
I shouldn’t ever let anyone make me feel like I’m not worthy of stating my opinion, or doing the morally upright thing, just because maybe it’ll help me fit in easier. Because if I don’t stand up for it, I can’t live with myself that way.
And perhaps, that’s how you be yourself.
You try to be as humane as you possibly can.
But of course, if your quirks don’t get in the way of being a good person, who’s stopping you?
You know what sucks?
Only realizing how much you want something after you get rejected. That makes it sound like I deserve the rejection.
I’m going through some internal conflict right now, and its got everything to do with rejection. I’ve had a lot of rejection lately, and in my whole life, I’ve certainly had loads of it. But its always hard to deal with. It always takes me a while. So today, since something particularly crappy happened- I decided to google
‘Dealing with Rejection’
And I got this. Its shockingly true.
The main reason behind experiencing those negative feelings you experienced after being rejected is believing that your worth or value is determined solely by the opinion of others.