Rejection

You know what sucks?

Only realizing how much you want something after you get rejected. That makes it sound like I deserve the rejection.

I’m going through some internal conflict right now, and its got everything to do with rejection. I’ve had a lot of rejection lately, and in my whole life, I’ve certainly had loads of it. But its always hard to deal with. It always takes me a while. So today, since something particularly crappy happened- I decided to google

‘Dealing with Rejection’

And I got this. Its shockingly true.

The main reason behind experiencing those negative feelings you experienced after being rejected is believing that your worth or value is determined solely by the opinion of others.

I hate that. I hate the idea of my happiness being dictated by others. I have my own self worth, and its mine and mine alone. Does that make me arrogant or unlikeable? Does being non-conformist make me inappropriate for roles of responsibility?

I thought coming to a new school on my own merits would be a boost, a fresh start. But I feel the same all over again. The disappointment, the feeling you don’t match up to anyone’s standards, like others are loads better than you are.

It can’t be me. I’m just as good as anyone who was accepted. My grades are fine. Maybe I’m a little bit more socially inept, a little lacking in leadership positions, but I have strong morals and I stand up for what I believe is right. I don’t see how that can be a bad thing. I said all that in my interview, now that I recall.

Was that a mistake?

I wish she hadn’t asked me so many strange questions that delve into my morality.

I always get a little zealous and self-righteous. Maybe it is my fault after all. But I don’t feel like the interview process was fair. That seems more likely than me being inappropriate for the job. I’m a completely appropriate person. I’ve never done anything that would get me in trouble. I’m a goody-two-shoes.

Do I need to change myself? But no, being so sensitive is not attractive or strong at all- but is it arrogant and cocky?

I have no idea.

I guess being a teenager means figuring out who exactly you are.

04/25/12 at 1:51am

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